Review: The First Frost [China] – The Fangirl Verdict

THE SHORT VERDICT:

To my eyes, what sets this show apart from other c-dramas, is that it really is a healing romance.

It’s not just a concept in this show; we really do get to explore the nuances of emotional wounds, how they linger, and how they heal. I love that Show not only focuses on this, it also weaves this healing into the main loveline.

I feel that Bai Jing Ting and Zhang Ruo Nan are perfectly cast in this; I felt that they each brought their characters to life, and had a very believable, crackly chemistry with each other.

This one lingers with me, and I think it’s well worth the watch. 🥲

THE LONG VERDICT:

I’ll admit upfront, that my primary reason for having this show on my radar, was because I’d loved Hidden Love (review here!), and this was known to be Hidden Love’s companion story, taking place in the same story world.

Now that I’ve watched this, I have to say that:

1, I’m glad that we got this companion story to Hidden Love, but also,

2, This is a lovely story that deserves love, all on its own. 🥲

Fans of Hidden Love would get a bit of an extra kick from little Easter eggs sprinkled here and there, but if you haven’t seen Hidden Love, it would not take away from your ability to properly appreciate the story that this show is working to tell; you can still absolutely enjoy this show.

OST ALBUM: FOR YOUR LISTENING PLEASURE

Here’s the OST album, in case you’d like to listen to it while reading the review.

I have to say, I really enjoyed the music in this show. 😍 The music was one of the first things I noticed myself really looking forward to, as I sat down to watch an episode.

Overall, I found the music all very melodious and atmospheric, in that I found that each song fit the mood of our story very well, and was well applied to magnify the watch experience.

Coming away from this show, I’d thought that my favorite track was Track 1, Willful, but now, after a bit more time has passed, I find myself gravitating towards Track 4, Like a Sunny Day, Like a Rainy Day.

There’s something about the lyric-dense chorus and its slightly clipped delivery, where it almost feels like we’re listening to something squarely between a song and a rap, that really appeals to me. 🤩

On a more nerdy note, I also like the sprinkling of diminished chords in there, not just coz I think they sound interesting and cool, but also, because those diminished chords add a touch of wistfulness to the breeziness of the song; a combination that I find myself enjoying a lot, at least in terms of how it’s applied in this song.

It feels like an apt reflection of our main loveline for much of the show, which also helps to get me all up in my feels. 🥰🥲

Here it is on its own as well, in case you’d prefer to listen to it on repeat. Just right-click on the video and select “Loop.”

HOW I’M APPROACHING THIS REVIEW

First I’ll talk about how to manage your expectations going into this one, and what viewing lens would be most helpful. I also talk a bit about how I reconcile the recasting of Sang Yan’s character.

After that, I talk about stuff I liked on a more macro level, before I give the spotlight to selected characters and relationships, in a separate section. Finally, I spend some time talking about my thoughts on the penultimate and finale episodes.

If you’re interested in my blow-by-blow reactions, &/or all the various Patreon members’ comments during the course of our watch, you might like to check out my episode notes on Patreon here.

MANAGING EXPECTATIONS / THE VIEWING LENS

Here are some things that I think would be helpful to keep in mind, to maximize your enjoyment of your watch:

1. Tonally, this show is very different from Hidden Love.

So yes, the two shows exist in the same story world, and we even get appearances of characters from Hidden Love (review here!) in this show, but they feel very, very different.

While Hidden Love is quite light and fairytale-like in its vibe, this story leans a lot darker and more melancholic.

2. Our story has some darker elements

So, slight spoiler, but also, trigger warning, that there is attempted sexual assault in our story, and there are several instances of attempted attacks in our first couple of episodes.

I feel like you kind of need to brace yourself for these beats, because they can be triggering, particularly if you have personally encountered something similar in your own life, and

That said, these beats only show up more strongly in the beginning of our story, and towards the end.

A related side note on the prevalence of rapey douchebags around Yi Fan

At this point, I thought it would be appropriate to talk about the darkness in our story world, specifically the corner where all the rapey douchebags attempt to attack Yi Fan (Zhang Ruo Nan).

Thanks lots to EstherP and Natalia for pointing out over on Patreon, that Yi Fan’s past experience would shape the kind of vibe she gives off, and that predators tend to have the ability to home in on that exact kind of vulnerable vibe.

EstherP shared also shared something super interesting, about how her self-defense instructor had constantly been harassed on the streets, until she took up Wen-Do and became an instructor, after which she never got harassed again.

That really drives home the point, that predators are drawn to the aura that you give off, and this really helps me to process the way Yi Fan is shown to attract so many predators, in our early episodes.

Thank you! 🥰

3. This is a healing story

Lest it sounds like this is a depressing story, I’m here to assure you that this is a story of healing and hope.

4. This is a slow burn

I do think it’s important to mention that this is a slow burn, particularly when it comes to the main loveline.

Importantly, the slow burn does land as not just natural and believable, but also as the wiser, more enduring choice. 🥲

THOUGHTS ON THE RE-CASTING OF SANG YAN’S CHARACTER

In Hidden Love (review here!), Sang Yan’s character is played by Victor Ma, and many fans had expressed disappointment that Victor Ma doesn’t get to play Sang Yan in this show.

If that’s you, I totally feel you, because it would have felt a lot more natural to see the same actors play the characters we’d come to know and love in Hidden Love, here in this companion story.

At the same time, Victor Ma himself has come out to say that he himself doesn’t believe that he’s a good fit for this role, because this story showcases a side to Sang Yan’s personality that wasn’t explored in Hidden Love.

If memory serves (it’s been a while since I read the article that talks about this and I can’t find it now), it’s said that in Hidden Love, the story is from Sang Zhi’s perspective, and to her, Sang Yan is just that cheerful, funny, jocular big brother.

But in this story, we get to see the side of Sang Yan that he wouldn’t show to Sang Zhi, as her big brother – and Victor Ma has expressed that he doesn’t see himself as a good fit for the role, because of this much more melancholic side to Sang Yan.

From a purely practical perspective, I can see how it would be difficult to get the same actors back to people this drama world, even though it would have been amazing to see the Jia Xu and Sang Zhi and parents whom we’d known from Hidden Love, show up here.

The way I decided to process all of this in my brain, is to use the idea that every person sees the world differently, and so in Hidden Love, we’d seen everything and everyone through Sang Zhi’s eyes, and that is how she’d perceived herself, Jia Xu and Sang Yan.

But here, we’re getting to see everything and everyone through Sang Yan’s eyes, and that’s why everyone looks different.

Yes, it’s a bit of a stretch, but it worked for me. 😅

STUFF I LIKED

Show’s overall tone and handling

I found myself really taking to this rather restrained, somewhat melancholic yet somewhat sweet show.

It’s tonally the opposite of a fluffy romance, but while watching, I still felt like there were glimmers of a sweet romance peeking through.

Show’s tone does evolve to become brighter and happier, but the evolution is slow, steady and never rushed, which I appreciated greatly, because it made everything feel that much more believable.

Show’s focus on healing

This is quite possibly my favorite thing in this show; I love that Show doesn’t shy away from tackling healing in all of its minutia and subtleties.

The effect that trauma has on a person’s emotional state; the effect that it has on their self-worth; the effect that it has on how they interact with the world around them at large.

I thought that all of this was well done.

Here’s a quick spotlight on a snippet from episodes 9-12, which I feel is a great showcase of Show’s approach to its focus on healing.

[SPOILER ALERT]

E9-12. These episodes, Show explores Yi Fan’s low self-esteem, and I appreciate that a lot, because that’s important.

I think it says a lot, that Yi Fan has a tendency to sleepwalk, particularly with Sang Yan’s (Bai Jing Ting) research into the matter, which informs us that it can be a symptom of stress &/or PTSD.

We don’t yet know what it means, when Yi Fan sleepwalks to the living room and, while sitting on the couch, keeps rubbing her hand over other arm; I almost want to think that it’s a washing motion, like she’s trying to wash herself?

I’m not sure, though.

And then there’s also how Yi Fan talks with Si Qiao (Zhang Miao Yi) about the fact that she finds it hard to justify buying even little things for herself.

I find that very sad, because, clearly, Yi Fan had absorbed that sentiment from living with Aunt, where Aunt had pronounced, very clearly, that Yi Fan didn’t deserve anything good.

That beat, where Yi Fan calls Mom (Feng Yun Zhi) in tears, begging Mom to take her home to live with her, is just heartbreaking, because why should a child have to beg her mother to take her home – and why should that child be turned down? 💔

This little detail, where Yi Fan doesn’t feel like she deserves even small luxuries, feels so true to life; it’s exactly the kind of thing that I can believe someone with self-esteem issues would do.

I really appreciate that Show includes this as part of Yi Fan’s characterization; it feels thoughtful and relatable.

I like the idea that Yi Fan is cognizant of it as well, because this means that she’s that much closer to healing from this wound. 🥲

[END SPOILER]

The episode titles

One of my favorite little things about this show, are the episode titles, and I realize that these aren’t translated on Netflix (though they are translated on Youku).

Each episode title starts with a phrase at the start of the episode, and then at the end of the episode, the phrase is fleshed out with more words, to make a different / fuller meaning.

For example:

Episode 1: “Goodbye, Sang Yan.” (morphs into) “Goodbye, Wen Yi Fan.”

Episode 2: “Your Name.. is carved at the bottom of my heart”

Episode 3: “Everyone needs a white moonlight (someone whom you love, but is unattainable).. You are my white moonlight.”

Episode 4: “Rumors.. I’ll blow them away for you.”

I thought it would be too unwieldy to include all my translated episode titles in this review, so I’ve made a separate Patreon post to list them all, which you can check out here (yes, even if you’re not yet a Patreon member!).

I’ve tried to keep as closely to the original meaning as possible, and where possible, I’ve included explanations for nuances.

I hope the translations will help to add to your enjoyment of the show. ❤️

The OTP relationship

I will talk more about our OTP in a deep dive section later in this review, but for now, I wanted to give our OTP relationship a shout-out, because this loveline was a big draw for me personally.

I found that I really enjoyed the slow-burn of our central loveline.

I feel that it allows us to really get a sense for our characters and their contexts, as well as get to see the slow teasing out of the various strands of emotional baggage, such that it all feels natural and believable, as our would-be OTP inches closer to each other.

I loved even more, that Show was able to weave the central loveline around our central theme of healing in such a patiently tender, gently loving manner. 🥲

The regular flashbacks

Through its entire run, Show gives us regular flashbacks to our OTP’s high school days, especially (but not limited to) the beginning of each episode.

Given the more melancholic tone of the present-day scenes, I felt that the regular flashbacks to their high school years really helped to balance things out, to show us what our leads were truly like, at their purest and most unwounded. 🥲

For that reason, I found the flashbacks to be very poignant, and of course, there was also the wistful sense of what could have been, because we got to see them interacting so happily, back in the day.

As we got more and more of these flashbacks, I felt like my understanding of our would-be OTP’s past relationship was continuously solidifying, and it provided a comforting, poignant sort of canvas against which we were building their current day story.

I liked this a lot. 🥲

The occasional colliding of drama worlds

Even though the actors playing our characters from Hidden Love had all been re-cast, I still got a kick out of every appearance that our Hidden Love characters made.

Like the various appearances by Sang Zhi and Duan Jia Xu, who are our lead characters in Hidden Love, and the various references to the story in Hidden Love.

It was fun and trippy for me, to see how our drama worlds and drama timelines intersected, and I liked this a lot. 😁

STUFF THAT WAS OK

Mu Cheng Yun as a character

I’m decidedly indifferent about Mu Cheng Yun (Yuan Ye) as a character.

In episodes 9-12, the introduction of Mu Cheng Yun as a character honestly feels quite random, because he keeps popping up at unlikely junctures, and seems to exist purely for the sake of posing as a potential love rival for Sang Yan.

[MILD SPOILERS]

First, he’s the fake homeless dude who comes to Yi Fan’s rescue, and then he pops up outside the supermarket with an umbrella when it’s raining, and then he pops up at Yi Fan’s office as a new intern.

And, of course he has a crush on Yi Fan – but I’ll buy that, because she’s really beautiful and gentle, and that seems to be hugely attractive to many of the male characters in our story world, so why should Mu Cheng Yun be any differently wired, right?

[END MILD SPOILERS]

However, it really isn’t long before Show has Cheng Yun behaving in very questionable ways, and the more he tries to get close to Yi Fan and oversteps boundaries in order to do so, the more I found myself disliking him.

That said, I could understand the function that Cheng Yun fulfilled, as a plot device, where he served to nudge Yi Fan’s development as a character, as well as to nudge the OTP relationship forward, so that helped to neutralize my dislike for him. 😁

Here’s a good example of what I mean, in episode 12-13.

[SPOILER ALERT]

For example, at the end of episode 12, I really gave Cheng Yun a hard side-eye, for inviting himself to Yi Fan’s apartment, by just showing up, and then pressuring her to let him see the place, because he’s already there.

Ugh. I found that so invasive, honestly. 🙄

However, I do appreciate his function, as a catalyst that nudges Yi Fan into speaking up and saying that she rejects him as a prospective roommate, and that she doesn’t like to have male roommates – and that Sang Yan is an exception. 😁

With how reserved and restrained Yi Fan is, I understand that plot devices like Cheng Yun are necessary, because this is how she gets galvanized into action instead of withdrawing into herself, where she’s most comfortable.

And, I also take it that this is why Show keeps Cheng Yun hanging around Yi Fan, even though she’s made it quite clear that she doesn’t actually care about him hanging around her, nor reciprocate his interest.

At the same time, it’s events like this that make it necessary for Sang Yan and Yi Fan to talk about what’s going on, which important too, otherwise we wouldn’t ever get anywhere with this loveline, with Yi Fan content to stay in her shell, and Sang Yan content to watch over her from a distance.

I mean, yes, these conversations don’t always get us anywhere, but at least they’re happening, which, at the very least, forces both Yi Fan and Sang Yan to at least think about the issue at hand.

This is how we get to admitting to herself that she’s scared to get used to someone else’s presence – for fear that she’ll eventually get abandoned again.

[END SPOILER]

Various side arcs

Aside from our central loveline (and secondary loveline, which I’ll get to in a bit), Show serves up a variety of side arcs.

I liked some better than others, and overall, feel quite neutral about them, collectively.

Here are just a couple of examples, from the same group of episodes, 9-12.

[SPOILER ALERT]

E9-12. I was just ok with the whole mini arc of Jia Xu (Wu Yu Heng) coming over to stay at the apartment, and he and Sang Yan wearing bathrobes all the time, thus giving Yi Fan and Si Qiao the impression that he and Sang Yan were maybe dating; that was kind of weird. 😅

E9-12. I was fine with the mini arc where Yi Fan goes to Yihe with Cheng Yun, and then ends up going to Hong Kong to interview the daughter who’d disappeared on her mother.

I guess it does help to amplify Yi Fan’s own situation with her mom, but I didn’t think that was necessary, since I feel like I’m plenty clear on how Yi Fan feels about her mom.

Overall, this felt relevant, but also, kind of overkill, if you know what I mean. 😅

[END SPOILER]

STUFF I DIDN’T LIKE SO MUCH

The secondary loveline

From fairly early in our story, Show teases a potential loveline between our OTP’s respective besties, Hao An (Edward Chen) and Si Qiao.

Aside from their mutual connection via Sang Yan and Yi Fan, Show also uses Hao An and his family as a way of drawing Hao An and Si Qiao together, like how Hao An engages Si Qiao’s services to act as his girlfriend, in order to placate his grandmother (Nina Paw), in our early episodes.

I tried to get on board with these secondary arcs as much as I could, but I have to confess that by Show’s midpoint, I’d concluded that I didn’t care about the secondary loveline, nor the stuff with Grandpa (Paul Chun) and Grandma.

It all felt very stilted and unnatural, to be honest, and this entire chunk of story felt (to my eyes, anyway) like they’d been written by an entirely different writer, than our main loveline. 😅😅

SPOTLIGHT ON CHARACTERS / RELATIONSHIPS

Bai Jing Ting as Sang Yan

Don’t let the short length of this section fool you; I really, really enjoyed Bai Jing Ting as Sang Yan.

I’ve seen Bai Jing Ting in several other shows (Reset, You Are My Hero and New Life Begins) and enjoyed him in all of them, but I have to say, I literally feel that this is the swooniest that I’ve seen Bai Jing Ting, ever.

He definitely, definitely wears the smolder well, ahem. 🔥🤭

Importantly, Sang Yan also has other layers to his character, which I enjoy. He somehow manages to be believably charismatic-cool and self-conscious-petulant at the same time, which is a combination that I enjoyed very well.

Perhaps most important of all, I could believe that he still held a torch for Yi Fan, and cared about her, in spite of his hurt feelings and wounded heart.

I will talk a lot more about Sang Yan, in our OTP section, coming up shortly.

Zhang Ruo Nan as Yi Fan

I’ve only ever seen Zhang Ruo Nan in 2021 movie My Love (review here!), so I don’t have a very informed impression of what Zhang Ruo Nan is capable of, as an actress.

What I can say, though, is that I think she really hits it out of the park, as Yi Fan.

I feel that the role and styling brings out her natural beauty, which supports the concept that Yi Fan is very beautiful and attracts a lot of male attention.

What I find more impressive, is how she brings out Yi Fan’s shy awkwardness, through her portrayal of Yi Fan’s micro-expressions and body language.

Without any need for dialogue, I could feel a sense of self-consciousness, wistfulness and fragility about Yi Fan, which I thought worked really well, to ground this journey of healing and self-love.

Really, really well done. ❤️

[SPOILER ALERT]

E1-4. I believe Yi Fan’s quiet melancholy; it’s laced with sadness and resignation, and I feel like she’s generally quite tired from fighting her way through life, but feels like there’s no other way to live, unfortunately.

We do see her working hard and doing her best, and somehow, she doesn’t land as a Candy, to my eyes.

I do feel sorry for her, and want her to see happier days – so I’m already rooting for her.

I also like the detail that Yi Fan’s adopted a stray cat, and loves that cat dearly, to the point that she’d shakily demand for her cat back, from the trio of men who’ve let themselves into her shared apartment, in order to get revenge on her for reporting their rapey friend.

Of course, I hate that Yi Fan would find herself in such a situation to begin with, but I do love that she loves her cat so much, even if it’s “just” a stray.

In fact, the kind of vibe I’m getting, is that she finds solidarity with her cat, because like the cat, she’s kind of a stray herself; alone in the world, and unwanted by others. 🥲

Given all the Yi Fan has gone through, and how people have mostly blamed her for the incidents, despite her being the victim, I can see how she would have withdrawn into herself, and just steel herself to just get through life while keeping her head down, because she just can’t seem to win.

E5-8. Based on what we’ve seen, Mom had left Yi Fan to be cared for by a random roster of rotating relatives, when Dad had died, in order to make a fresh start for herself, never mind that no one really wanted to care for Yi Fan after Gran had died.

As Yi Fan puts it, Mom had chosen to pursue her own happiness, but I can’t help judging her, for abandoning her own daughter, in order to do so – and then proceeding to consistently put her new family over Yi Fan.

It just makes everything worse, to know that Yi Fan had been treated like a parasite by her relatives, and those hints that she’d been attacked, makes it a thousand times more horrifying.

It’s no wonder Yi Fan keeps such a careful distance from Mom, even though she’s now back in Nanwu, and is so hesitant to accept Mom’s earnest invitation to visit during the Lunar New Year.

That scene, where Awful Aunt (Kong Lin) even tries to ask Yi Fan for money for her son’s marriage home really was the last straw, and I fully support Yi Fan’s decision to never see her family again.

On that point, I do want to credit Yi Fan for having the strength to even state that, and with conviction, despite her shaky demeanor; our girl has a kind of strength within her, even though she is so often quietly obliging. 🥲

E13-16. I also thought that Yi Fan’s words of comfort at Woodie’s funeral – that the ones who’ve gone before us, are just preparing a warm home for us, and that they miss us just like we miss them – were very beautiful.

And, I must say, I feel proud of Yi Fan too, not just for being able to process her own grief, but also, for sharing it with others.

Again, I feel like this is evidence of how she’s received enough warmth while living with Sang Yan, that she feels able to reach out to comfort others now, where before, she’d always just been in survival mode. 🥲

E17-20. A moment that I loved, is how Yi Fan muses over all her happiness, while alone in her room afterwards; that she’s loved by Sang Yan, and has so many friends who care about her.

I love this grateful attitude, and find it very endearing. 🥲

We still don’t know who it is, that’s texting her out of the blue, but judging from Yi Fan’s reaction, I get the feeling that this person has had something to do with her unhappy memories about her past.

Importantly, even though I am curious to know more, I like that Yi Fan is able to choose to shake off the thought, instead of allowing the bad feelings to swallow her. She’s come so far, hasn’t she? 🥲

[END SPOILER]

Feng Yun Zhi as as Yi Fan’s mother

I just wanted to say that, regardless of Mom’s efforts to explain her side of the story, I consistently felt like she was a terrible mother who cared more about herself, than her own daughter.

[SPOILER ALERT]

E13-16. These episodes, we get a glimpse of an actual flashback, and it turns out that Yi Fan had been the victim of an attempted sexual assault – and both Awful Aunt AND MOM had not only turned a blind eye, but had tried to gaslight Yi Fan into accepting that it was no big deal.

UGH. No wonder Yi Fan had felt so betrayed, that she’d left everything to run away to Yihe.

It is infuriating, the way Mom pouts and asks Yi Fan not to be mad at her anymore, like Yi Fan had gotten mad at Mom for denying her a cookie when she’d been five. GRRR.

This is a HUGE DEAL, and I hate that Mom is trying to smooth it over as a small thing, and I completely support Yi Fan in her decision not to let Mom into her life anymore.

[END SPOILER]

Sang Yan and Yi Fan

I really, really enjoyed the treatment of the OTP relationship, in our story.

Like I mentioned earlier, the slow-burn makes complete sense, and the way the theme of healing is woven into the interactions between our OTP, was very well done, I thought.

I genuinely felt like I’d followed this couple on an entire journey, and I was very pleasantly surprised by how it all managed to land as believable, despite its aspirational, sometimes whimsical tone.

Importantly, I wanted to root for this couple even during the slow burn of it all, and then came away from this fully satisfied that these two people truly belong together. 🥲

Here’s a sprawling look at my unfolding thoughts around this OTP relationship, over the course of my watch.

[SPOILER ALERT]

E1-4. Given the way Sang Yan feels wronged and betrayed by the way Yi Fan is shown to break his heart, I can see why he would act so coldly towards her, in the present.

Yi Fan is awkward because she feels guilty for how she’d hurt Sang Yan, and Sang Yan is awkward because he’s still hurt, and wants to present a gruff, distant, cool sort of persona, but is clearly still nursing feelings for her.

While I do find some of Sang Yan’s words and actions to be, well, not so nice, it definitely helps that we can see the true state of his heart peeking out on a regular basis, from the way he keeps doing things to help or protect her, in spite of his cold words.

E1-4. When Xiang Lang asks Sang Yan if he’d known that his roommate would be Yi Fan, I do love the matter-of-fact way Sang Yan answers that, Yes, he’d known; it was the whole reason he’d agreed to move in.

Ooh! Not that I’m surprised he knew; I’m surprised that he would admit that he knew.

Could it be that Sang Yan’s aloof act is already starting to crumble??

E5-8. These episodes, it feels like Yi Fan is in a much safer place, where normalcy is much more within reach.

A lot of that has to do with Sang Yan being in her life again, and even though neither she nor Sang Yan might be cognizant of this just yet, I do think that it shows, particularly in that beat where she dreams that she’s hugging the warm sun, and in reality, she’s sleepwalking and hugging a very startled Sang Yan.

In our earlier episodes, I’d thought that Sang Yan and Yi Fan had dated, and that she’d broken up with him, but now, I realize that things had been more undefined and ambiguous between them.

Basically, their bond was a mostly unspoken one, where they knew that they were special to each other, but they had not formalized things, and had more or less made plans to study together at Nanwu University, as an indirect promise to formalize their relationship while in university.

In the meantime, I love the poignant-sweetness of the flashbacks that we get, where we see Sang Yan catching wind of Yi Fan’s difficulties, and then doing whatever he can, to make Yi Fan’s life a little happier.

It’s kind of complicated, in the sense that Sang Yan clearly doesn’t want to overstep his boundaries, since he and Yi Fan are officially just friends, but he always does his best to be there for her.

Like when she rushes out of school to the hospital, because her dad’s in critical condition; the way he rushes after her and runnns to catch up with the bus, just so that he can sit with her, and lend her his sweater, so that she can cry in private, is so sweet.

Plus, there’s how he tells her that he will always be by her side, no matter what happens. 🥲

And when he overhears her conversation with her mother, where Mom tells Yi Fan that the family doesn’t have the means to support Yi Fan’s dance dreams, he takes her to practice dance at an abandoned rooftop in a nearby elementary school.

It’s all very makeshift and not perfect, but the heart behind it is so pure, and Yi Fan is so quietly grateful, that I felt very touched by this.

And I also couldn’t help noticing that the mirrors on the rooftop were all lined up, like Sang Yan had stacked them this way, in order to best mimic the mirrored wall of a real dance studio. How thoughtful, yes? 🥲

E5-8. We still don’t have the full story of why Yi Fan had upped and left, while telling Sang Yan that she’d made plans with someone else, but we do get a hint these episodes, at the emotion driving it; that Yi Fan had left everything and everyone behind, and gone to Yihe, as an act of self-preservation.

Given how toxic some of her relatives have shown themselves to be, I can’t say I blame Yi Fan for leaving.

I do wish, though, that she’d told Sang Yan the truth, but my guess is that she’d felt ashamed to tell him the truth, and that’s why she’d made up that lie, about having made plans with someone else; ie, she’d made the same quasi-romantic pact that she’d made wit him, with another boy, to go to the same university.

Oof. There’s a lot of emotional baggage here, on both sides, and I am rooting for Sang Yan and Yi Fan to come to a place in the present, where they’re able to work through this, because they clearly still have special feelings for each other.

Although they are mostly still awkward around each other, I’m glad to see glimpses of connection between them, from time to time.

Sometimes, it’s in how Sang Yan goes out of his way to help Yi Fan.

From the way he helps her to avoid losing at drinking games at the top of episode 5, to the way he stocks the kitchen with food while asking her to “help” him eat it up, to the way he rushes through his own family’s reunion dinner, so that he can show up at the apartment “because his own home is overrun with relatives” just so that he can cook her a hot bowl of dumpling noodles, Sang Yan really is doing everything and then some, when it comes to Yi Fan.

And, we see, from little moments here and there, that he remembers everything very clearly, from their high school days.

Like the way he tells Yi Fan the amount of money she owes him is 20 yuan – not because that’s how much she owes him for the food he’s bought for the kitchen, but because of that incident years ago, when her 20 yuan to buy food had gotten stolen, and he’d run back home to get 20 yuan for her.

Aw. I find it very touching, really, that Sang Yan remembers every little detail with such clarity. It shows that these times with Yi Fan had meant that much to him. 🥲

I can almost see the gears in Yi Fan’s brain working overtime to rationalize why Sang Yan is helping her, despite the official “just roommates” tag they’ve put on their relationship.

Also, I would believe that the guilt that she feels, for lying to Sang Yan, breaking his heart, and abandoning him, would prevent her from entertaining the possibility that he might still have feelings for her.

Through it all, I do feel for Sang Yan, because to my eyes, there are lashings of hurt and disappointment, in the midst of his studied smolder.

And, that hurt is only sharpened by the flashback that shows us how stunned and dejected Sang Yan is, when Yi Fan breaks it off with him.

Oof. Poor Sang Yan. 💔

It’s little wonder that when this particular wound is freshly poked at, he spends days on end, away from their shared apartment; to my eyes, it just hurts too much, for him to go home and face Yi Fan, with the memory of her rejection so fresh in his mind.

At the same time, Yi Fan’s too busy being confronted with her own wounds, to pay too much heed to Sang Yan.

E5-8. I appreciate that as time passes, with Sang Yan’s various acts of kindness and care, the tone of the conversations between them does start to noticeably warm up and soften.

They are a little less formal with each other, and Yi Fan’s less guarded and careful, when it comes to talking with Sang Yan.

I also liked that Yi Fan gets clued in on the fact that a certain coincidence back in high school, hadn’t been a coincidence at all, thanks to Sang Zhi chirpily spilling the beans, much to Sang Yan’s awkward discomfort, heh.

Somehow, small talk between them, while unremarkable on the surface, feels like it’s something more significant. 🥲

And when Yi Fan feels down after visiting her mom, it’s Sang Yan’s gesture of inviting her downstairs to join him in playing with sparklers and fireworks, that quietly cheers her up, while poignantly reminding her of happier times, with her dad. 🥲

E5-8. At the top of episode 8, is when Yi Fan sleepwalks during her dream, and the entire incident is quite poignant to me, because it says a lot about how deeply Yi Fan still suffers from her trauma.

Of course, I really do like the significance of Sang Yan being the warm, comforting sun in her dream, which must have been such a relief, given how her dream had started with being ambushed by her awful relatives.

At the same time, Show kind of uses a comedic touch around Sang Yan’s bemusement and confusion following the incident, because he has no idea that Yi Fan had been sleepwalking, and has no memory of actually walking into his arms.

It’s low-key amusing in a way, but I do feel bad for Sang Yan, because he’s so thrown by this whole thing, and doesn’t know what to make of it, and here’s Yi Fan, just nonchalantly saying things that imply that she remembers the incident, but thinks nothing much of it. 🫢

I really hope that even if Yi Fan doesn’t remember sleepwalking, that she will soon become cognizant of the fact that Sang Yan really is the warm, comforting sun, in the midst of the rain. 🥲

E9-12. As I get better situated in our story, I feel like certain things are becoming clearer.

For instance, it only really clicked in my head, these episodes, that after Yi Fan had been forced to move away (due to that incident where she’d been accused of seducing Sang Yan and having an early romance), Sang Yan literally traveled to Beiyu to visit her, every weekend, just so that they could spend time together.

Aw. That is very devoted and sweet, especially considering that they weren’t actually dating; this was all in the name of friendship. 🥲

And, it’s during these visits that Sang Yan gets glimpses of the way Awful Aunt and her family treat Yi Fan, like when he goes to drop off the book she accidentally leaves behind, and overhears Aunt saying that Yi Fan doesn’t deserve to drink any chicken soup.

Yi Fan doesn’t say anything about this, I think because it’s just not something to be proud of, and also, I think, because it’s her personality, to keep things close to her chest.

But it feels very telling, when she suggests that they watch a horror movie, and then later, we hear her say that horror movies are especially effective at letting you forget a lot of things.

Poor Yi Fan must have escaped into horror movies so often, that that’s why she’s immune to their scary qualities now – unlike Sang Yan, who’s still very affected by it, heh.

That said, I do love the little detail that we get later in these episodes, that Sang Yan can’t actually remember what movie they’d watched – and we see that it’s because he’d had his eyes on Yi Fan the whole time.

Awww. That’s very touching, isn’t it? 🥲

And, I do love that Sang Yan trying to act tough, saying that she doesn’t need to be scared coz he’s there, makes Yi Fan swallow a laugh. It’s so rare to see Yi Fan laugh about anything, so this felt quite significant, I thought.

E9-12. I am mildly amused at the way Sang Yan likes to bask in giving people the impression that he and Yi Fan a couple, like the way he makes sure that they only share one cart at the supermarket, even though they start with two.

And the way he gets Yi Fan to taste test those cherries when the promoter asks him to buy some for his wife, and then smugly walks away.

And the way he shows up with the umbrella, and basically tells Cheng Yun to shove off, while acting like he’s Yi Fan’s boyfriend or something.

And not forgetting how he pretends to pat Yi Fan’s hair, when he drives her to work – to give Cheng Yun the idea that he and Yi Fan are dating.

E9-12. I loved that beat at the end of episode 10, where Sang Yan changes the way he tells Yi Fan that he’s bought food for her.

Up to this point, he’s always been nonchalant about it, passing it off as extra food that he’s bought, and can she help to eat it up.

This time, though, he tells her that he’d bought the chicken soup specially for her.

It seems like a smallish thing, but to Yi Fan, this is huge, because chicken soup had been precisely the thing that Aunt had pronounced her not worthy of, even if it was leftovers from her cousin.

And yet, here’s Sang Yan telling her that he’s bought an entire serving, specially for her.

I love that. It feels like an emotionally overwhelming moment for Yi Fan, as she lifts her spoon to drink that soup, and I’d like to think that this was a healing moment for her. 🥲

As for Sang Yan and his reaction to Yi Fan’s sleepwalking, Show mostly plays it for a bit of comedy, so I’m adjusting my lens for that, because he does bend the truth a fair bit, in talking with Yi Fan about her sleepwalking.

And while he does make up stuff and tell her that she’d kissed him while sleepwalking, it does actually become the truth by the end of episode 10, when Yi Fan does just that – which kind of evens it out, yes?

I do appreciate the beat, when Yi Fan broods about whether she ought to be more rational and less empathetic during interviews, and Sang Yan tells her matter-of-factly, that she’s a human being, not an interviewing machine.

That was nice. 🥲

E9-12. I did appreciate that because Yi Fan’s tipsy, we get to see what she’d really wanted to do, that day when she’d broken Sang Yan’s heart – she’d actually wanted to run into his arms. Aw. 🥲

I feel that it says a lot that, in the present, tipsy Yi Fan would allow herself to let loose, just once, just so that she’d get to do the thing that she’d held herself back from doing, that day. 🥲

It shows me just how important Sang Yan has always been, to her, and how his heartbreak has been weighing on her heart, all this time. 🥲

It really does land as a moment of sweet release for both Yi Fan and Sang Yan, and, in that moment, I felt like my heart was filling up, for them both. 🥹

The next morning, I was very amused at the fact that Yi Fan hadn’t bargained for how she’d feel embarrassed after her moment of abandon, and I do love that this triggers Sang Yan’s suspicions.

He’s absolutely right; she’s behaving very differently than all the other times they’d talked about her sleepwalking, and he definitely has reason to be suspicious. 😁

E13-16. In the context of Yi Fan’s personal experience of having to part with every person who’d mattered to her, I can really understand why she’s so hesitant and guarded around Sang Yan, even though she likes him, and can see that he’s good to her.

And so, I can understand Yi Fan’s renewed efforts to keep a distance from Sang Yan, even though I feel wistful and sad about the distance, just like Sang Yan does. 🥲

E13-16. These episodes, we see Yi Fan start to speak up more, for herself, and I’d like to think that she’s able to do this, because she’s gained enough self-love, self-confidence and strength, from living with Sang Yan.

I don’t know how to explain it, but.. with the way he’s taking care of her and being considerate towards her needs, I feel like she’s absorbed that, and it’s now gone deep enough, to actually affect that way she carries herself.

Y’know, kinda like how a child who’s grown up in a loving home just naturally has that extra confidence? Something like that.

And so, I was definitely (metaphorically) pumping my fist in the air, when Yi Fan speaks up for herself, and in such a calm, steady and grounded manner, when the gossip cycle starts in her current office, dredging up old gossip from her previous workplace in Yihe, that she’s a home-wrecker and all that.

YOU GO, GIRL. 🤩🤩🤩

In the meantime, I appreciate how Show uses a multi-pronged approach, when giving Yi Fan food for thought to chew on, around Sang Yan.

Like the way she realizes that she reacts differently to Sang Yan’s physical nearness, versus everyone else.

She instinctively swats Cheng Yu’s hand away, and quite violently too, when he tries to reach for something on her neck, but with Sang Yan, she even seeks out his embrace in her sleep.

And then there’s also the way Yi Fan hears about how Sang Yan had been heartbroken when she’d left for Yihe, not just from Sang Zhi when Sang Zhi visits, but also from Cheng Yu, who’d been there too, during the graduation dinner when Sang Yan had drunk a lot.

Of course, there’s also the way Sang Yan is being so thoughtful still, in the present, like how he puts on corner guards and night lights around the living room, because Yi Fan tends to sleepwalk to the living room. 🥲

These episodes, I’m very much reminded of an earlier episode title, from episode 9, “You can lie about the state of your heart, but the body is honest.”

I feel like this is very much at play, as we see Yi Fan sleepwalking.

As she grapples more and more with her feelings for Sang Yan, her sleepwalking is taking her closer and closer to him.

She might be very confused about what to do, and she might be feeling overwhelmed by thoughts of the past and how she’d hurt him, and not know what to do about it, but while she’s asleep, her body’s taking her closer and closer to him, such that we’ve even got her climbing into his bed, at the end of episode 13.

I do rather like the idea here, that when the context of conscious guilt and overthinking is taken away, her sleeping body just knows that she’s safe next to Sang Yan. 🥲

I did squee at the idea of them fitting together so naturally, that they would end up cuddling in their sleep. 🥲

And then I giggled at Yi Fan’s mortified and desperate attempt to explain the situation, by telling Sang Yan that he’s just dreaming. 😂

I feel a bit bad for Yi Fan, but I can’t help but also be amused at how Sang Yan keeps leaning into the idea that he’s terrified that Yi Fan will steal his innocence one day, with the way that she’s sleepwalking. Ha! 🤭

And then how about the way he comes out the shower shirtless, and then when Yi Fan gets all jumpy and embarrassed about him not wearing clothes, he simply says that he’s accepted his fate; that since she’s kissed and touched him already, it doesn’t matter whether he’s wearing clothes.

Hahaha! 🤭 Cheeky!

Show lets us know that he’s been drinking, which kind of makes it cuter, in the sense that all these are his unguarded thoughts?

Especially when he finally blurts out his request, that until she finds a solution to the problem, to please keep her distance from other men. 🤭

These episodes, Show’s really leaning (albeit slowly) into getting Yi Fan’s and Sang Yan’s feelings for each other out into the open (at least, between them), and I’m really digging it.

I like all the scenes of Yi Fan putting her analytical skills to work on Sang Yan and trying to understand him, and how he’s feeling.

Like the way she concludes that if her sleepwalking really bothered him, he wouldn’t just endure it, but would actually do something to remove himself from the situation.

And the more Yi Fan thinks about Sang Yan, the more she seems to accept her regard for him, like when she muses that a person as amazing as Sang Yan, should get to have everything that he wanted, even if it meant plucking the stars from the sky for him.

At this point, she still doesn’t consider the possibility of her being in a relationship with him, but I appreciate that very strong sentiment of appreciation, where we get to see that she values him deeply. 🥲

I can understand Yi Fan exploring the option of moving out, because she doesn’t want to be a burden to Sang Yan, and because she’s also wary of becoming too attached to him, but I’m glad that she doesn’t end up going through with it.

Yay for that doctor saying that Yi Fan would benefit from having the company of a roommate, who could help look out for her, because that definitely takes away one big reason, in her case for moving out.

I did very much perk up, when Sang Yan hears this, and responds, looking pleased, that Yi Fan basically needs him, heh. 😁

And then I felt bad when his expression falls, when Yi Fan re-states it in a much more neutral manner, that she just needs to be more careful when she doesn’t have a roommate. Aw. 🥲

I’m really glad that Sang Yan homes in on the most important question of all, of whether Yi Fan herself wants to move. Ahh, again, so considerate!

YAY that Yi Fan feels comfortable enough to admit that she doesn’t really want to move.

And YAY that when the real estate guy calls, she tells him – with Sang Yan within earshot! –  that she’s not moving anymore. YESS. 🥲🥲🥲

And I do love-love-love Sang Yan’s pleased little smile, as he hears her say this. 🥰🥰

As our would-be OTP gets into that space of testing each other’s feelings, I do notice the electric sparks crackling to the fore, and I am very pleased about this indeed. 😁

Like when Yi Fan takes a chance, and blurts out that she’s afraid that she’ll commit a crime if Sang Yan keeps wearing revealing clothes in the apartment’s common areas (ooh!), and Sang Yan grabs her hand, and asks what kind of crime she thinks she might commit.

And then how about the way he gets up to sit down next to her – while telling her to come nearer to him, if she dares. Ooh. 🔥

When she turns to face him, they are literally within kissing distance, and I’m kind of already flailing, even though Yi Fan diffuses the situation by asking why she should dare.

Aw. The deflated look on Sang Yan’s face, and the sad wistfulness in his eyes, is really heart-pinching. 🥲

E13-16. I’m so, so thrilled, that Yi Fan comes to the realization that she wants to be with Sang Yan – and then decides to court him.

Eeeeee!!!!! I was so blindsided by Yi Fan deciding that she was going to woo Sang Yan, because WOW, that is so proactive, and thus far, Yi Fan’s shown that she’s not typically like that at all.

Our girl’s come such a lonnng way, and I’m so proud of her. 🥲

Of course, I do believe that a lot of it has to do with Sang Yan just being the rock that he’s been, for her, despite his gruff words.

I love that Sang Yan decides to celebrate Yi Fan’s birthday for her, and I very much love that he’s starting to allow affection to leak through, instead of being as gruff as before.

Like, yes, he’s pretend-gruff when he tells her to get the cake box out of the fridge for him, but he’s gentle, when he pats her head, wishes her happy birthday, and leaves her to look at her gift.

And how thoughtful of him, to get her a perfume that’s represents her pet name! 😍

It’s deeply meaningful for Yi Fan, because, not only does no one in her family celebrate her birthday, he’s buying her cake, which she’d never felt able to buy herself – because she didn’t feel worthy of it.

So, in making this birthday celebration for her, and even asking her what her birthday wish was, so that he could help make it come true, he’s showing her that she is worthy, in his eyes.

That’s so beautiful, isn’t it? 🥹

And!! When Yi Fan demurs, saying that her wish had been about work, the way Sang Yan casually says, “Oh alright then; I’d thought you wanted me to be your boyfriend” – is totally a hint that if that had been her wish, he would have made it come true, yes??? 😍😍

He’s basically telling her, in his roundabout but pretty unmistakable way, that he would be happy to be her boyfriend, isn’t he?? 🥲🥲🥲

It’s little wonder that Yi Fan arrives at the realization that she wants to be with Sang Yan – and promptly asks Si Qiao for advice on how to woo him.

I find this freaking adorable, that she’s so earnest in this, and then I found the eventual flirting even more adorable.

The two of them are basically testing the waters with each other, with little flirty text messages, and talking more frequently, and also, allowing more conversation scope than they’d previously had, and it all adds up to quite a lot of squee, for me.

Yi Fan’s adorably awkward, in her gentle way, and I LOVE that she refuses to allow that awkwardness to deter her from actually engaging with Sang Yan, and carrying on their gently flirty conversations. I LOVE. 😍

If it isn’t already blindingly clear, I am kind of giddy at where we currently are, in terms of our OTP connection.

I love how Sang Yan and Yi Fan are basically courting each other, and I just want to bask in this sweet cuteness and soak in the lovey-flirty, for the rest of the show; is that too much to ask? 🤭

E17-20. I really appreciate the look that we get, into Sang Yan’s yearning for Yi Fan, during the time that they’d been apart.

Despite the way she’d broken his heart by applying to Yihe instead of Nanwu, and despite the way she’d told him that she’d made a promise with someone else, he’d continued to miss her and yearn for her, and he’d taken trips to Yihe, just to look at her from afar.

Yes, that sounds a little stalkery, but because it’s Sang Yan, it’s not stalkery. 😅

It’s in these instances that he glimpses that her life isn’t actually all that happy, and perhaps this informs the way he relates to Yi Fan, in the present.

He doesn’t press her to tell him anything, but the way he treats her, indicates a sensitivity and consideration, that feels as if it’s rooted in a knowledge of what she’s gone through.

At least, it feels to me like this is the reason Sang Yan’s taking it so slow and easy, on the romance front, with Yi Fan.

The other part of it, of course, is the fact that he’s been deeply hurt before, and he’s treading carefully, so that he won’t end up being hurt again. I can understand that too. 🥲

I find that I really do enjoy the slow burn of this romance, so I have no complaints. 🥰

Every time Sang Yan demonstrates patience and understanding towards Yi Fan, like at the top of episode 17, when he comes home to find that she’s sleepwalked into his bed again, I feel a little more touched at his love. 🥲

And then when a moment of hyper-proximity &/or broody smolder presents itself – like that moment when Yi Fan puts her arms around his neck, in an attempt to “attack” him – I feel a little more thrilled, by the simmering electric current between them. 🔥

What a breathless moment that was, honestly; Sang Yan, all disheveled, pulling Yi Fan close, and asking her if she dares to attack him now, while they’re within kissing distance, and then Yi Fan scurrying away, like she’s been spooked by the crackle. 🔥

And how cute, that she mutters breathlessly, “Next time,” as she scurries away. 🤭

Importantly, I love the detail, that Yi Fan actually is low-key smiling to herself, as she rides the train to work afterwards.

It’s little details like this, that make me feel like I can see these two people drawing closer to each other. 🥰

And then there’s how Yi Fan asks Sang Yan out on a date, on the pretext of buying him dinner.

I love how she gets ready in a happy cloud, taking care to put on makeup, and spritz some of the perfume that Sang Yan had given her; we can see that she’s anticipating the date, and I love that.

It’s sweet too, how Sang Yan comes home so that they can go together, even though the restaurant is near his office.

It’s just too bad that they run into Sang Yan’s colleagues at the restaurant, and that the group even includes Ke Jia, Yi Fan’s half sister. Dang.

I do love, though, that Sang Yan is so pointed in the way he treats Yi Fan with care, gentleness and respect; it completely defies the casual, she’ll-drink-anything attitude that Ke Jia shows, and I really like that.

And, as annoying as Ke Jia can be, she fulfills a very important function in this arc, and that is, to tell Yi Fan that Sang Yan very clearly treats Yi Fan better than everyone else.

With this coming from someone like Ke Jia, who would never tell Yi Fan something nice just to make her feel good, I feel like Yi Fan has no reason not to believe her – especially since it’s easy to see that Ke Jia has an interest in Sang Yan too.

When Yi Fan’s summoned for a work trip to Beiyu all of a sudden, to cover a story, I’d been a little disappointed that our would-be OTP would be apart for a period of time, but Show does a nice job of keeping them connected, even while Yi Fan’s in Beiyu.

The regular voice and text messages work quite nicely to keep them connected, and the little thing they’ve got going between them, with the countdown to Sang Yan’s birthday, is a nice little touch.

The way Yi Fan draws that apple to send to Sang Yan, when he asks her to bring him apples is cute too (in China, giving apples, especially around Christmas, symbolizes peace and safety because the Chinese word for “apple” (píng guǒ, 苹果) sounds similar to “peaceful” or “safe” (píng’ān, 平安). 

It’s perfect, the way Show sets it up, with Yi Fan posting in her Moments, the picture of the shop’s name, frosted on the glass, and then musing over her memories of Sang Yan, while gazing at the rain, and then, Sang Yan showing up, with an umbrella and everything. 🥲

It’s perfect, the way Sang Yan finally articulates his feelings for Yi Fan, standing outside their noodle shop haunt; that after all these years, he still only likes her. 🥰🥰

Yi Fan’s response is so like her, too – that if he feels it’s pretentious to say these words, that she’ll say them in the future. It’s kind of awkward and indirect, but her meaning is clear; she’s basically indicating the start of their relationship. 🤩

They’re both so shy, and awkward, and brimming with happiness, as Yi Fan states for the record, that they’re now officially mutually in love, and checks that from this day forward, Sang Yan is her boyfriend – to which Sang Yan gives an emphatic yes. 🤭

Awwww. ADORABLE. 😍😍🥲🥲

I also love-love-LOVE that moment when Yi Fan tells Sang Yan to hold the umbrella over himself more, and Sang Yan tells her, in that same emphatic tone, that she deserves to be treated this way.

Melt. I don’t know if Sang Yan knows it, but this is literally the most affecting, valuable, meaningful thing that he could have said to Yi Fan. 🥰🥰🥲🥲

After the minting of our OTP relationship, things between our new couple continue to be on the shy, awkward side of things, and while I would find this odd in just about any other couple, I feel that it works for this couple.

Even though Sang Yan doesn’t know about Yi Fan’s past trauma from having been attacked by rapey douchebags, he’s sensitive enough to pick up on her general sense of awkward uncertainty, and I feel like he’s being patient and considerate, to meet her where she is. 🥲

I do love though, that Sang Yan’s becoming more forthcoming about indicating that he’d like to spend more time with Yi Fan, like how he asks if she can eat that pizza more slowly; I’m quite charmed by this new behavior from Sang Yan. 🥰

In fact, anything that he does, in his new capacity as Yi Fan’s boyfriend, I dig – like the way he nonchalantly offers to drive Yi Fan and her team back to Nanwu, so that Yi Fan won’t need to drive. 🥲

Another moment I enjoyed, was our OTP’s date on the Ferris Wheel.

Aren’t they cute, the way they sneak proud looks at each other, like they can’t believe they’re dating such an amazing person? 🥲

And then, isn’t it quite cute, the way Sang Yan turns around and says they should go again, when he overhears another couple talking about how it’s said that couples that kiss at the top of the ride, will stay together forever? 😁

After all the awkward restraint that we’ve seen, it’s pretty gratifying, actually, to see Sang Yan swoop in decisively for the kiss. 😍

It’s interesting to me how this doesn’t actually change the tone of their bashful-awkward way of relating, but I find it endearing how they’re shy with each other, so I’m not complaining.

E17-20. It’s sweet how Yi Fan decides to cook Sang Yan a big meal, and decorates the apartment for the Lunar New Year; it makes me feel like they’re a newly married couple, basking in domestic bliss. 🥰

And then I love how, when they’re talking about her sleepwalking, Yi Fan opens up and tells Sang Yan that she feels assured because she knows that, no matter what, he will always catch her – and I love how Sang Yan reiterates the same words, with gentle emphasis, to assure her that it’s true. 🥲

I find it so important, that Yi Fan opens up to Sang Yan further, and talks about her difficult family relationships, after receiving those messages from Ke Jia.

And then I love that Sang Yan holds her, and tells her that everything in the apartment had been chosen specially with her in mind; that she deserves the best of everything.

Again, it’s the most valuable, precious thing that Sang Yan could have said to Yi Fan, and I love how she tearfully wraps her arms around him, in response.

This is the most open and vulnerable Yi Fan has been with Sang Yan so far, and this feels so much more important and meaningful, than any kisses or other skinship. 🥲

It’s beautiful, and I really look forward to witnessing the continued deepening of their relationship. 🥲

E21-24. One of the big things that shows up, these episodes, is the fact that Yi Fan doesn’t tell Sang Yan about her uncle, even when he asks about the identity of the man.

I have mixed feelings about this.

On the one hand, I just really want Yi Fan to open up to Sang Yan; after all, she trusts him, and he’s assured her, more than once, that she can tell him anything, and that he will always be there for her.

On the other hand, I do understand that Yi Fan finds it hard to talk about it.

We aren’t told specifically why she won’t talk with Sang Yan about it, but my guess is that she feels a lot of shame around the incident?

Firstly, there’s the thing where he’d tried to assault her – I feel like it’s quite natural for someone to feel shame about this, even though it’s not her fault that she was attacked.

I’m also thinking that Yi Fan feels that the less Sang Yan knows about Uncle, the better? For his own safety, perhaps?

I have no doubt that if Yi Fan had told Sang Yan about Awful Uncle and what he’d done to her, and what he’s doing to her now, threatening her, Sang Yan would go all in, to help her and protect her, and get rid of Uncle as well.

I would believe that Yi Fan would be concerned that Sang Yan would get hurt in the process, especially since we see, these episodes, that Uncle doesn’t hesitate to lash back out at Sang Yan, after their brief but unpleasant encounter at Overtime.

Since Uncle’s set-up has a direct and immediate negative impact on Sang Yan’s business, I can believe that Yi Fan wouldn’t want Sang Yan to get further hurt or inconvenienced by crossing paths with Uncle – and I’m guessing that this is a big part of the reason why Yi Fan doesn’t tell Sang Yan about Uncle.

It is frustrating, of course, because we can see that Sang Yan is more than prepared to hear anything that Yi Fan has to say, and is legitimately getting more and more worried about Yi Fan by the day.

On this point, I feel like I can understand where Sang Yan is coming from.

He can see that Yi Fan is sad and not ok like she says she is, but because she keeps insisting that she’s fine, Sang Yan doesn’t want to push her, and decides to give her time and space – mostly in the hope that with time and space, Yi Fan will become ready to talk about it.

And, in the meantime, I can see that Sang Yan’s efforts are towards showing Yi Fan that he loves her, and is there for her, and also, towards making her smile and laugh as much as possible.

Honestly, if we didn’t have what feels like a hard deadline caused by Uncle’s unsavory presence, I feel like Sang Yan’s approach would be quite perfect, coz he’s being careful and watchful over her, while being loving and supportive, and just meeting her where she is. 🥲

Thanks to the thing with Uncle taking a while to reach a critical stage with Yi Fan, we do get some sweet OTP moments these episodes.

I thought it was cute that Yi Fan would get them couple bracelets for Valentine’s Day, and I love that his bracelet has a snowflake representing her, while hers has a mulberry leaf representing him. 🥰🥲

And I love that in the recorder that he gives her, he records a message telling her she deserves the best; this is something she can listen to over and over again, which, I do think, would be healing for her. 🥲

And then there’s Tipsy Yi Fan, whom I found quite entertaining, because she’s so different from Sober Yi Fan. 😁

The way she gets all jealous at the fact that Sang Yan had added some phantom girls on WeChat, to the way she pouts and refuses to change when they get home, to the way she clings to Sang Yan, saying that he’d promised to let her sleep with him, is all very cute.

Of course, there are moments of pathos and wistfulness too, when Tipsy Yi Fan talks about not liking Yihe, and also, when she talks about the dream that she’d had, when Sang Yan and his wife had taken a trip to Yihe.

I find it touching that through all of the sad tipsy talk, Sang Yan’s paying close attention, and even hesitates to leave her alone in her room, in case she cries while she’s alone. 🥲

And then there’s how he follows her cue while she’s sleepwalking, and holds her hand through the night, because she wouldn’t let go. 🥲

I also find it touching that Yi Fan would gravitate towards Sang Yan so naturally while she’s asleep; it’s like she instinctively knows that she’s safe with him. 🥲

It’s just too bad that everything comes to a head for Yi Fan, where she feels that her only option is to leave Sang Yan, and even Nanwu, in order to get away from Awful Uncle.

I can’t figure out the details of how, but I’m holding onto hope that our OTP will be reunited, somehow. 🥲

[END SPOILER]

Special shout-out:

Zhang Miao Yi as Si Qiao

I just wanted to give Zhang Miao Yi a shout-out, because I really enjoyed her in When I Fly Towards You (review here!), and I enjoyed her cheery energy as Si Qiao.

I may not have cared about Si Qiao’s romance with Hao An, but I did like her very well, as Yi Fan’s loyal bestie, who supported Yi Fan consistently, no questions asked. 🥲

Yi Fan’s kitty

I’m giving Yi Fan’s kitty a shout-out too, just coz I can, because is she not the prettiest kitty??? 😍😍😍

I do appreciate that Show keeps Kitty around, even after Yi Fan moves out of her initial dumpster of a living arrangement, which makes me feel like Kitty’s not just a convenient prop.

I just loved all the various incidental sightings of Kitty around the apartment. She’s such a chill and laidback, yet clearly curious beauty. 😍😍😍

SPOTLIGHT ON THE PENULTIMATE EPISODES [SPOILERS]

E25-28. Some key stuff gets dealt with, these episodes, and while I’m on board with how this all helps to propel our OTP towards a happy ending, I have to confess that I didn’t love all of it. 😅

Before we talk about any of that, here are the translations for these episodes’ titles.

Episode 25: Where are you?.. No matter where you are, I’ll find you.

Episode 26: The promise.. I promise that I won’t break our promise anymore.

Episode 27: I accept.. the imperfect me.

Episode 28: The chance to be reborn.. if there’s one.

At the top of episode 25, we finally get a full view into what had happened between Yi Fan and Uncle, and it’s 100% true that Uncle is human trash (the subs keep referring to him as a villain, which he certainly is, but the more accurate translation here, is human trash).

To think that he’d targeted Yi Fan, his niece, and had intentions to sexually assault her, and had even planned for it, for when they’d be alone at home, is just sickening.

It’s horrifying that even after his first attempt to attack Yi Fan, all the adults in Yi Fan’s world, had worked to gloss over things, and had told Yi Fan to just forget about it – including her own mother.

Mom might act all “poor me” about Yi Fan not wanting to be connected to her, but I 100% feel that Yi Fan’s choice is justified.

Mom had ignored Yi Fan’s pain and paralyzing fear, during Yi Fan’s darkest days, and now always just wants Yi Fan to “stop being mad” at her?? The woman doesn’t even have a clue. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I’m glad that Yi Fan fights back when Uncle tries to attack her a second time, and is fearless to the point of being unafraid to die, if it came down to it.

No one should have to live like that, or be given reason to think like that, certainly, but I’m just glad that she stands up to Uncle, even at her most vulnerable. 🥲

With this full unveiling of the events that year, I understand Yi Fan’s need to move away, more than ever.

Of course she would want to leave everything behind, and as quickly as possible.

It’s unfortunate that she hurt Sang Yan in the process, but given how all the adults in her life had ingrained in her that it’s a shameful thing to have been attacked by Rapey Uncle, I can see why she wouldn’t want to tell Sang Yan the truth.

I can see that this is all very hard on Sang Yan, which is why I don’t blame him too much, for beating up Uncle, when Uncle shows up at Overtime.

I have slightly different feelings about the other encounter he has with Uncle at the end of episode 28, but I’ll talk about that later.

I also felt for Sang Yan, as he makes his way to Hong Kong, the moment he hears from Xiang Lang, that Yi Fan might be there.

He doesn’t find Yi Fan, certainly, but it doesn’t feel like a wasted trip because I feel like Sang Yan learns more about Yi Fan, as he goes on his search for her.

Like the way she’d only have bread and water for her dinners, and how she’d look sad all the time.

And, there’s also the way Yi Fan had registered herself at the hostel, as having Sang Yan’s surname instead of her own, which indicates that 1, she’d been trying to hide herself, and 2, she still loves Sang Yan.

I thought that was very nicely done. 🥲

In the midst of all this, Show manages to mint our secondary OTP relationship, and.. I found it all very awkward, to be honest.

I mean, the very minute Si Qiao tells Hao An that she would like them to be together, he moves in to sleep with her..??

I dunno; am I the only one who didn’t find this very romantic at all? 🙈

ANYWAY. I’m glad that we don’t spend too much time with this couple, and I’m also glad that they find Yi Fan, because this marks the beginning of the reunion of our OTP – and that, I’m here for.

I do appreciate that before the actual reunion, we do get to see Yi Fan missing Sang Yan, and even finding enough courage to send Uncle that defiant voice message, in response to the threatening message that he sends her.

It helps that we see that Yi Fan’s already ready to stand up to her oppressor, even before reuniting with Sang Yan; it makes her journey to healing feel that much more organic, I feel.

I like that Sang Yan rushes over the Hong Kong, in time to watch the ballet performance by Yi Fan’s students, and I also like the detail, that Yi Fan’s friends know right away, that this must be Sang Yan, just by the way he can’t tear his eyes away from Yi Fan. 🥲

I really do like the reunion scene; although Yi Fan and Sang Yan start with awkward small talk, their increasingly tearful gazes tell me that this is really an emotionally overwhelming moment for them both, because they’ve missed each other so much, and had thought that they might literally never see each other again. 🥹🥹

I’m so glad that Sang Yan pulls Yi Fan into that hug; there’s so much depth of unspoken relief and joy, in that single embrace.

It feels like all the important things that they haven’t yet said, are first communicated to each other, in this embrace; that they still love each other, and still want to be together.

Afterwards, I like that Sang Yan chooses to be vulnerable, and tells Yi Fan that her disappearance had really destroyed his whole world. I do think it’s important that Yi Fan understands the significance of her presence, in Sang Yan’s world.

I’m also glad that Sang Yan tells Yi Fan that he really loves her a great deal, and that everything isn’t her fault. Our girl Yi Fan needs all the assurance that she can get, after all that she’s been through.

Importantly, I’m glad that Yi Fan chooses to tell Sang Yan everything, including all the things that she’d wanted to keep hidden, out of shame.

This really feels like a big step forward for Yi Fan, who’s always been so used to keeping all her troubles and struggles to herself. 🥲

The fact that our OTP moves to consummate their relationship after such a big conversation does feel apt, though I did feel some secondhand embarrassment at the awkwardness of the lead-up. 😅

But y’know, that’s very much in keeping with the slightly awkward tone of many of their interactions, so I’m buying it.

I like that Yi Fan is so ready to go back to Nanwu with Sang Yan to resume life where she’d left off, and I’m glad that she manages to get her old job back, even.

It’s really quite lovely, that Sang Yan is so supportive of Yi Fan, and tells her that he’s happy as long as she’s happy, and will support her, as long as it’s work that she wants to do. 🥲

In episode 28, we delve into the thing with Uncle, and it’s all much darker than I’d imagined, with him even being guilty of killing a young girl – and Aunt being guilty of helping him bury the body. 😱

Honestly, I think the reason Show makes Uncle a murderer, is to give the police a reason to lock him away, and get him out of Yi Fan’s life.

It’s a little narratively convenient, yes, but I’d rather have Uncle locked away than not, so I’m just rolling with it.

I appreciated the poignance of the victim’s father regretting his last words to her, which had been harsh, and I also appreciated the beat where Yi Fan realizes that she’s not in a good mental state, and should call it a day.

The thing I don’t appreciate so much, is how stuff goes down, with Sang Yan literally attacking Uncle outside Yi Fan’s office. 🤦🏻‍♀️

I can understand that Sang Yan’s got a lot of pent-up emotions towards Uncle, for all of Uncle’s terrible behavior towards Yi Fan, but going up to him to attack him, and getting wounded in the process, is not a smart thing to do.

He should’ve just stayed put and watched over Uncle’s movements until the police arrived, AND he should have warned Yi Fan to just stay in her office, in the meantime.

Given that Uncle was clearly there for her, it’s very possible that he would’ve just stayed there until the police arrived.

But no. Sang Yan just has to go up to him and attack him, and I really struggle to get on board with the big emotional moment that Sang Yan later has with Yi Fan, where he says that he’s sorry for only focusing on his own pain all this time, and not once trying to save her from her pain – and that in handing Uncle over to the police, he’s finally doing it.

Sorry, but I’m really more perplexed at how this plot point was handled, than anything else.

I just.. don’t like the idea that Sang Yan’s romanticizing his bad decision, if you know what I mean.

However, I get the sentiment, that Sang Yan’s relieved that the shadow that had been haunting Yi Fan’s life, is now finally gone, and now, Yi Fan’s life is only left with brightness.

That’s quite poignant, and now I’m looking forward to getting to see some of that brightness, in our finale episodes. 🥲

THOUGHTS ON THE ENDING [SPOILERS]

E29-32. Show takes us to its finish line, and I feel suitably wistful at saying goodbye to our OTP, even though, like with our penultimate episodes, there were things that I wasn’t super hot about.

First, though, as always, here are the translations for the episode titles of these final episodes:

Episode 29: Love is.. being each other’s light.

Episode 30: Reliance is.. entrusting you with my weaknesses, and making a firm choice.

Episode 31: Going back to the first day we met..

(morphs into) Loving you, from the first day we met, to every day in the future.

Episode 32: I long for someone who would love me fiercely until death.. It’s you.

To be frank, one big chunk of the stuff I didn’t care about, is everything that is to do with Hao An, Si Qiao, Grandpa and Grandma.

That’s consistent with how I’ve felt about them all series long, though, so that’s nothing new. 😅

In terms of our central arc, my gut says it’s narratively convenient that Uncle and Awful Aunt are both so thoroughly remorseful of their wrongdoings at the court hearting, but I rationalize that this will wrap up the trial quickly, leaving us more time to spend on more pleasant things.

Importantly, I like that the sentencing gives Yi Fan a sense of closure and.. safety, because this means that Uncle will never be able to hurt or harass her again.

I also like that beat where, in response to Sang Yan’s question about whether she wants to dance again, Yi Fan concludes that she now loves being a reporter.

I find that important to establish, because I like the idea that Yi Fan hasn’t settled for less, because of what she’d been through with Uncle. 🥲

I’m glad that Sang Yan reinforces that, by telling her to do whatever makes her happy, and not to settle. Aw. I love how supportive he is.

As for Yi Fan’s relationship with Mom, I’m honestly pretty surprised that Show doesn’t force a reconciliation between them, since c-dramas often strongly champion values like filial piety.

I appreciate that Mom finally comes to understand the error of her ways, because that’s been a long time coming.

At the same time, I like that Show makes what feels like a brave choice, in allowing Yi Fan to cut ties with Mom; I feel like in this way, Yi Fan can feel fully free. 🥲

Honestly, I appreciate every little sign that we get, that Yi Fan’s now a stronger person, from making the decision to cut ties with Mom, to asking Sang Yan if he’d propose to her the following summer, if it’s as long as this one.

I feel like the old Yi Fan would have never been able to bring herself to do either of these things, and y’know, I feel proud of her, for having come so far. 🥲

And, I find it very touching, that when she cries that no one loves her now, aside from Sang Yan, Sang Yan uses the wish that she gives him, to wish that there will be many people who’ll love her, aside from him.

Awww. When Sang Yan shows this steadfast, sacrificially loving part of himself, I can’t help melting into a puddle. 🫠 There is so much love there. 🥲🥲

I’m pleased that Yi Fan gets to perform that dance item, because dance is one of her big loves, and also because Sang Yan finally gets to see her perform.

That said, I found the whole thing around him taking her home without allowing her to change out of her dancewear, landed as rather awkward, to my eyes. 😅

I know that Show is aiming to serve up smoldering intent followed by sexytimes, with this beat, but I don’t know what it is – secondhand embarrassment, maybe? – it just didn’t sit so comfortably with me.

Also, there’s a tiny corner of my brain that protests that him not allowing her to change, kind of smacks of fetishizing, in a way..? Sorry. I think this was intended to be romantic, but my brain couldn’t shake that thought. 🙈

I did like watching Yi Fan being so warmly welcomed by Sang Yan’s parents; this feels like she’s getting a new family, in place of the one that she’s left behind. 🥲

One of the soundbites that sticks with me, these episodes, is when Yi Fan tearfully tells Sang Yan that she wants to live 6 years longer than him, so that she can love him for 6 more years, to make up for all the time when she’d left him behind.

You can see just how blindsided yet touched and awed Sang Yan is, by the sentiment; this is her way of wanting to love him sacrificially, the way he’s loved her sacrificially.

And, her wish has quite a haunting quality to it, I feel.

I’m glad that Sang Yan reframes it for her, and tells her to repay it in the next life – which is also a very nice way to position their love, as a forever, across-lifetimes kind of love. 🥲

The way they have this conversation, with such tears in their eyes, and such gentle, hopeful tones, is so poignant to me. I really, really like this scene. 🥲

As for the proposal in our final episode, I liked the concept of it, because it’s a neat way to blend scenes from the past, with all the feelings in the present.

I did find the execution a little awkward and cringey at points, but I’m still touched by the tearful earnestness and quiet joy that we see in both Sang Yan and Yi Fan, as they agree to spend their lives loving each other.

As Yi Fan articulates our episode title in voiceover, “I long for someone who would love me fiercely until death.. It’s you,” I can’t help but feel that there’s a note of confidence, assurance and contentment in her voice.

I love that, because it demonstrates so well, just how far they’ve come as a couple, but also, how far she’s come, in her journey of healing and self-love.

A perfect note, on which to leave Sang Yan and Yi Fan, as they look ahead to the next chapter of their lives together. 🥲

THE FINAL VERDICT:

A worthwhile poignant slow burn, of both personal healing and unconditional love.

FINAL GRADE: B++

TRAILER:

MV:

PATREON UPDATE!

The next drama I’m covering on Patreon, in place of  The First Frost, is Heavenly Ever After [Korea].

You can check out my episode 1-2 notes on Heavenly Ever After on Patreon here.

Here’s an overview of what I’m covering on Patreon right now (Tier benefits are cumulative)!

Foundation Tier (US$1): Entertainment Drop (Sundays) + the first set notes of all shows covered on Patreon (that’s 2 episodes for kdramas and 4 episodes for cdramas)

Early Access (US$5): +The Haunted Palace [Korea]

Early Access Plus (US$10): +Doubt [Korea]

VIP (US$15): +Heavenly Ever After [Korea]

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